On Winning

Politics is the only place where finishing second counts as winning.

On Expectations
Worker 1 (worried): The Boss expected this to be done by now.

Me:  By this time in life I had expected to be making love with Stevie Nicks on a daily basis, I've learned to live with the disappointment of unmet expectations so can the Boss.

I don't work there anymore.

On Urgency
It's incredible how fast "Right now." becomes "Back then."

On Prostitution
The old joke is: the bride is smiling as she walks down the aisle because she knows she's given her last blow job.  That is what accounts for the continuing and universal appeal of whores.

On Details

A red Ferrari, a red Porsche and a red Corvette are running down the freeway at 5 miles per hour over the speed limit.  What are the chances the Highway Patrolman will give the ticket to the silver Subaru?

That's OK I didn't notice it either.

On Fidelity
92% of everyone has been unfaithful to at least one spouse.  The rest are either Quasimodo ugly or lying.

On Life after Death
I was dead for 14 billion years before I was born.  I'll be alive for a few minutes.  I'll make an emotional connection with a few people, a couple of dogs and a cat or two.  Then back to where I came from. If that's some dusty beauracratic office awaiting reincarnation or disassociated energy dispursed in a cold universe makes little difference; I won't remember any of this just as I don't remember any thing that came before.

On Sports Cars
You often hear a guy say his pick-up truck handles like a sports car, you never hear a guy say his sports car handles like a truck, mebbe a pig ,but never a pick-up truck.

On Christianity
Christians are terrified that Nietzsche is right.

On Birth Control

The people with the uteruses should make the rules governing the use of their uterus.  If they want to spit out 16 snot nosed tit suckers that's their choice.  If they want zero that's their choice.  If you don't have a uterus, you're not entitled to an opinion.  So shut up.

On children

If you caught your kid sneaking around and reading this then you need to re-think your child rearing strategy.  Do you really want to give away the responsibility for your kids to someone who thinks this way?

On Relativity

When I was 17 a 30 year old woman was an old woman.
Now that I'm 65 a 50 year old is a sweet young thing, a 40 year old is damn near virginal and that 30 year old is a child like innocent.  I just want to give her a cookie, a pat on the head and send her off to play.

On Cars
A car has enough room for me and one small woman or one large sack of groceries, but not both at the same time.  If it has a back seat it's a bus, a tailgate and it's a truck.

On Rarity

You'ld think if God were the all powerful creator of the Universe he would have paved the streets of his Heaven with something rare.  Like Californium or Einsteinium not ordinary common Gold.

On cancer
Take my advice, get a guy with a steady hand and a sharp knife

On Negotiation

Any answer that is not an explicit 'yes' is an implicit 'no'.  Doesn't matter if you're negotiating a piece of ass or a nuclear arms deal.  "I just washed my hair.", "The kids might hear.", "Maybe later>" all mean the same thing... "No."

On winning

To win you only need to lead one lap. And you don't need to lead all of it.

On Courtesy

No one reads a letter that begins with, "You dumb Motherfucker..."

On Reality

Sensei: What is the opposite of white?
Student: Black.
Sensei: No. Yolk is the opposite of White.
******
Sensei: What is the opposite of white?
Student (brightly): Yolk.
Sensei: No, the opposite of white is African-American.  The nature of reality is always changing.


Just because you think you understand the question does not mean you know the answer.

A new day

My intention here is to share thoughts, insights, opinions and obsevations accumulated in the last  65 years

Number one;     Never drink beer you can see through.