On Ownership

With beer as well as with pussy, the best you can hope for is to rent it.  Well, OK, sometimes you can get a short term lease.

On Age

There comes a point in life where managing your medications becomes a full time hobby.

On Economic Stimulus

The only thing the Republicans have accomplished in the last two election cycles has been to create jobs in the tire pressure gauge and Etch-a-Sketch industries.

On Saving Gas

I want to thank all those people who buy Priuses and Volts and all the other battery powered oversize golf carts.  All the gas you're saving make it easier for us to drive our Corvette.

On March Madness

'Tis the season for sweaty guys, dressed in their underwear, to bounce their balls and slap each other on the ass.  All to the tune of squeaky gym shoes.

On Why I'm not a Republican

"Corporations are people my friend, of course they are." – Mitt Romney
 “Fascism should rightly be called Corporatism, as it is the merger of corporate and government power." - Benito Mussolini

I think there is no need to bother commenting.

On Gas Prices

It's ironic that the political party (GOP) that professes total free market economics is the the one calling for price controls and regulation of gasoline costs.

On Victory

You don't get a kiss from the trophy girl if all you win is the stop light Grand Prix.

On the movement for less government

Move to Somalia, some folks like the dirt road and dysentery lifestyle.

On fashion

Saw a young woman the other day.  She was the archetypal modern woman; everything below her eyebrows shaved, the Chinese character for soup tattooed on her ass and the seven basic required piercings: both ears, both nipples, her navel, her clit and her tongue. Every inch the height of fashion.

On ulterior motives

What is usually attributed to Grand Conspiracy is actually in fact  coincidental stupidity.

On Capital Punishment

The death penalty is not about punishment, deterrence or justice.
  It is, however. about culling the dangerous animals from the herd, so the rest of us can live in peace.

On Choices

All choices have consequences.  If you say 'yes' there are consequences.  If you say 'no' there are consequences.  If you say "I don't care", ' I don't know' or "you choose for me' there are consequences.

On Work

Nobody's job is as easy as it looks.

On Kentucky being ceded first in the basketball tourney

If you think there's something wrong with the way I spelled Ceded then you probably attended Uni on an athletics scholarship.

On Karaoke

I don't fuck in public, I don't sing in public.
Most folks are not emotionally equipped to witness either one.

On Perception
Remember, your idea of the perfect woman is someone Else's idea of an ex-wife.

On Etiquette

It took the human race 50,000 years to learn to be civilized.  We expect children to learn it in 21.  Amazingly, they do.

On Human Causes of Global Warming

If you believe something without any proof then it is a religeon not a fact.

On Compliments

Everyone likes a compliment even if they know it's not sincere.

On Islam
I can't be really sympathetic to a group of people who hate beer, naked women and dogs. and I'll never understand the dog part.

On Sex
The best part is when I go deaf, ya know, when her little thighs slam shut on my head.

On Hope

Hope is the most common and least rewarded of all human emotions.

On Thou shalt nots
If God were serious about His prohibition of masturbation He would have make our arms too short to reach our genitals.
Probably accounts for T. Rex being so cranky.

On fundamentalism
There is no difference between fundamental Christians and fundamental Muslims, for that matter all of the Abrahamic sects. They use religion to subjugate and enslave women.  and as an excuse for rape, war and greed.

On the First Amendment

Freedom of religion implies freedom from religion.