On Heredity
Paula said, "All men are bastards!"
I said, "That's because we only have our mother's word for who our fathers may have been."

On Government Intrusion

Everybody wants less government until the hurricane hits their house, then they want all the government they can get.

On Priorities

Obama, a few years ago, set as his goal the capture or killing of Bin Laden.  Mitt the Twit says he'll get Big Bird.  'Nuff said

On Preparation

All plans are perfect until the green flag waves.

On False Economy

This last weekend's football games show what happens when you hire scabs as strikebreakers (replacement workers).  You get what you pay for; if you want shoddy work you hire incompetent scabs.

On Disillusion

Mitt the Twit has once again run his mouth without checking for his brain being engaged.  It is so terribly disappointing to think this is the best the Repubbs can do.

On Eastwooding

The good, the bad and the incoherent.

On Retribution

Mebbe this hurricane is God's way of letting Mitt the Twit know He's displeased with K. Yoder shining his bare ass in the Holy Land.

On Facades

Everybody is naked under their clothes.

On Over-reaching

After all the flap over the stance of the Repubs on abortion and rape, the weather forecast for the RNC convention says even Mother Nature is pissed at them.

On Literalism

In Leviticus we're told that it's a sin for a man to lay with another man as though with a woman. Apparently there is no admonition against a woman laying with a woman.  Can we take from this that God is a fan of girl on girl porn?

On Fairness

If you're going to fight fair, you might as well not bother.

On Winning and Losing

Ferrari once again proves the old adage, if you can't win on the track then win on the rule book.  And they show that it's possible to be both a bad winner and a bad loser.

On Aurora

Because of the recent killings in Colorado, the NRA will again be defending the profit margins of the gun manufacturers in the guise of protecting the nearly non-existent constitutional rights of the gullible.

On Modern Politics

The Right Wingers are blaming the illegal Mexicans for everything wrong with the USA.  Sounds a lot like the Nazis blaming the Jews, Gypsies and Freemasons for the problems in post WW1 Germany. Watch out or the Righties will be burning down the Senate.

On Technology

The only place computers work instantly is on Star Trek.

On Ageing

It's a terrible day on the morning you wake up to find you're older than the character Rick was in Casablanca.

On Conjugation

2 is company
3 is a crowd
4 is a party
5 is a rodeo
6 is an orgy

On God's Will

It's always God's fault, nobody seems able to take responsibility for their own actions.
After all, God's not here so it makes Him easy to blame for all our shortcomings.

On the Unknown

Every woman is a virgin until you make love with her.

On Priorities

Have you ever noticed while having your morning coffee, shaving, watching the news on TV, reading the latest stock market quotes,eating you biscuits and gravy that the last thing you think about are the turn signals?

On War Crimes

Yesterday we held a parade for a returning veteran. Of course the kid in the casket didn't know we were doing it.
It's a crime that G. W. Bush can walk around smirking and chortling at his own jokes while kids are still dying in his war.

On Obamacare

Republicans are against sticking their nose into your health care unless it's your relationship with your gynecologist. Then they want it in as deep as they can stick it.

On Porn

"Lack of occupation with sex fosters preoccupation with sex."

Major Sidney Freedman

On Evolution

After the light turns green it's amazing how long it takes some people to get going.
It must take a lot of concentration to get the thumbs on their feet un-tangled.

On Birth Control

We now have universally available methods of birth control. So, Sex should be as friendly and without hang-ups as shaking hands. But, some primitive peoples (Christians, Muslims, and Mormons among others) still see women as chattels and property, read slaves. This is unfortunate as slavery has been outlawed for more than a hundred years except, of course, where it might conflict with some 'religous right' or 'family value'.
The surprising part is the women in these benighted simpleminded tribes go along with this silly shit.

On Expertise

Even birds fall out of trees.

On Learning

Almost everyone can hear, very few can listen.

On Envy

To be stabbed in the back, first you have to be out front.
Losers hardly ever have to worry about things like that.

On Patience

If you don't take long enough the first time, you have to take twice as long the second.

On the Treatment of Service Personnel

Had some abdominal surgery last week. Once more it was brought home to me how important a cheerful attitude can be.
Because of my welcoming and co-operative attitude the nursing staff and the food delivery folks had a party in my room on each visit. Down the hall the moaners and whiners got the least attention that could be spared.

Never piss-off the people who are in charge of your health care or your food preparation.

On Proper Nutrition

Coffee til lunchtime, beer til bedtime, with a pause for a couple of Margaritas with dinner.

On Political Outlook

The only good Republican is an unemployed Republican.
It's incredible how quickly they start sounding like a Democrat.

On Gun Control

Waco proves the lie in the old slogan about prying you gun from your cold dead fingers.  Actually they'll pry a gob of melted slag from your warm, cremated fingers.

On Safety

Secure networks aren't.

On Appearance

Saw a beautiful young lady the other day; pretty as a puppy and almost as smart.

On Indecision

He who hesitates gets trampled.

On Alternates

They tell me Ronald Reagan was considered for the part of Rick in Casablanca.
How much better the world would be if Reagan had played Rick and Humphrey Bogart had been President.

On Campaign Promises

It must be wonderful to promise things you know you'll never be called on to deliver.

On Arrogance

Be careful or like Jimi you end up playing your music to an empty field of discards and rubbish.

On Womans' Work

Ann Romney may know everything about raising kids.  But, she knows nothing about raising kids on a minimum wage job.

On the NRA Convention

The greatest single danger to 2nd amendment rights are camouflage wearing cowboys carrying semi-automatic weapons to political rallies.

On Obsolescence

It doesn't take long for todays' cutting edge technology to become tomorrow's nostalgia.

On Predecessors

Big Jim said, "If you ever licked pussy, then you're a cocksucker by proxy."

On Appropriate Punishment

Some criminals, like child molesters and rapists, should be slid into the guillotine... face up!

On the Resurrection of the Trickle-down Theory

There have always been those who are satisfied by licking up the crumbs that fall off the aristocracy's table.

On Parole

Charley Manson is coming up for a parole hearing in the near soon.  There's only one question that needs to be answered; "Is Sharon Tate still dead?"

On Being Dicisionally Impaired

The right wing Republican appointed Supreme Court is on the verge of saying it's unconstitutional to require citizens to buy health insurance.  The right wing Republican House is considering a bill to require senior citizens to use vouchers to buy health insurance.  Is this a case of the left face not knowing what the right face is talking about?

On Appearance

After sitting down at the coffee shop, Marie looked around and spotted a loud, used car salesman type holding forth about what a great investment he was offering.  She said, " Now there's a guy who really needs to be caught."

On Ownership

With beer as well as with pussy, the best you can hope for is to rent it.  Well, OK, sometimes you can get a short term lease.

On Age

There comes a point in life where managing your medications becomes a full time hobby.

On Economic Stimulus

The only thing the Republicans have accomplished in the last two election cycles has been to create jobs in the tire pressure gauge and Etch-a-Sketch industries.

On Saving Gas

I want to thank all those people who buy Priuses and Volts and all the other battery powered oversize golf carts.  All the gas you're saving make it easier for us to drive our Corvette.

On March Madness

'Tis the season for sweaty guys, dressed in their underwear, to bounce their balls and slap each other on the ass.  All to the tune of squeaky gym shoes.

On Why I'm not a Republican

"Corporations are people my friend, of course they are." – Mitt Romney
 “Fascism should rightly be called Corporatism, as it is the merger of corporate and government power." - Benito Mussolini

I think there is no need to bother commenting.

On Gas Prices

It's ironic that the political party (GOP) that professes total free market economics is the the one calling for price controls and regulation of gasoline costs.

On Victory

You don't get a kiss from the trophy girl if all you win is the stop light Grand Prix.

On the movement for less government

Move to Somalia, some folks like the dirt road and dysentery lifestyle.

On fashion

Saw a young woman the other day.  She was the archetypal modern woman; everything below her eyebrows shaved, the Chinese character for soup tattooed on her ass and the seven basic required piercings: both ears, both nipples, her navel, her clit and her tongue. Every inch the height of fashion.

On ulterior motives

What is usually attributed to Grand Conspiracy is actually in fact  coincidental stupidity.

On Capital Punishment

The death penalty is not about punishment, deterrence or justice.
  It is, however. about culling the dangerous animals from the herd, so the rest of us can live in peace.

On Choices

All choices have consequences.  If you say 'yes' there are consequences.  If you say 'no' there are consequences.  If you say "I don't care", ' I don't know' or "you choose for me' there are consequences.

On Work

Nobody's job is as easy as it looks.

On Kentucky being ceded first in the basketball tourney

If you think there's something wrong with the way I spelled Ceded then you probably attended Uni on an athletics scholarship.

On Karaoke

I don't fuck in public, I don't sing in public.
Most folks are not emotionally equipped to witness either one.

On Perception
Remember, your idea of the perfect woman is someone Else's idea of an ex-wife.

On Etiquette

It took the human race 50,000 years to learn to be civilized.  We expect children to learn it in 21.  Amazingly, they do.

On Human Causes of Global Warming

If you believe something without any proof then it is a religeon not a fact.

On Compliments

Everyone likes a compliment even if they know it's not sincere.

On Islam
I can't be really sympathetic to a group of people who hate beer, naked women and dogs. and I'll never understand the dog part.

On Sex
The best part is when I go deaf, ya know, when her little thighs slam shut on my head.

On Hope

Hope is the most common and least rewarded of all human emotions.

On Thou shalt nots
If God were serious about His prohibition of masturbation He would have make our arms too short to reach our genitals.
Probably accounts for T. Rex being so cranky.

On fundamentalism
There is no difference between fundamental Christians and fundamental Muslims, for that matter all of the Abrahamic sects. They use religion to subjugate and enslave women.  and as an excuse for rape, war and greed.

On the First Amendment

Freedom of religion implies freedom from religion.

On Winning

Politics is the only place where finishing second counts as winning.

On Expectations
Worker 1 (worried): The Boss expected this to be done by now.

Me:  By this time in life I had expected to be making love with Stevie Nicks on a daily basis, I've learned to live with the disappointment of unmet expectations so can the Boss.

I don't work there anymore.

On Urgency
It's incredible how fast "Right now." becomes "Back then."

On Prostitution
The old joke is: the bride is smiling as she walks down the aisle because she knows she's given her last blow job.  That is what accounts for the continuing and universal appeal of whores.

On Details

A red Ferrari, a red Porsche and a red Corvette are running down the freeway at 5 miles per hour over the speed limit.  What are the chances the Highway Patrolman will give the ticket to the silver Subaru?

That's OK I didn't notice it either.

On Fidelity
92% of everyone has been unfaithful to at least one spouse.  The rest are either Quasimodo ugly or lying.

On Life after Death
I was dead for 14 billion years before I was born.  I'll be alive for a few minutes.  I'll make an emotional connection with a few people, a couple of dogs and a cat or two.  Then back to where I came from. If that's some dusty beauracratic office awaiting reincarnation or disassociated energy dispursed in a cold universe makes little difference; I won't remember any of this just as I don't remember any thing that came before.

On Sports Cars
You often hear a guy say his pick-up truck handles like a sports car, you never hear a guy say his sports car handles like a truck, mebbe a pig ,but never a pick-up truck.

On Christianity
Christians are terrified that Nietzsche is right.

On Birth Control

The people with the uteruses should make the rules governing the use of their uterus.  If they want to spit out 16 snot nosed tit suckers that's their choice.  If they want zero that's their choice.  If you don't have a uterus, you're not entitled to an opinion.  So shut up.

On children

If you caught your kid sneaking around and reading this then you need to re-think your child rearing strategy.  Do you really want to give away the responsibility for your kids to someone who thinks this way?

On Relativity

When I was 17 a 30 year old woman was an old woman.
Now that I'm 65 a 50 year old is a sweet young thing, a 40 year old is damn near virginal and that 30 year old is a child like innocent.  I just want to give her a cookie, a pat on the head and send her off to play.

On Cars
A car has enough room for me and one small woman or one large sack of groceries, but not both at the same time.  If it has a back seat it's a bus, a tailgate and it's a truck.

On Rarity

You'ld think if God were the all powerful creator of the Universe he would have paved the streets of his Heaven with something rare.  Like Californium or Einsteinium not ordinary common Gold.

On cancer
Take my advice, get a guy with a steady hand and a sharp knife

On Negotiation

Any answer that is not an explicit 'yes' is an implicit 'no'.  Doesn't matter if you're negotiating a piece of ass or a nuclear arms deal.  "I just washed my hair.", "The kids might hear.", "Maybe later>" all mean the same thing... "No."

On winning

To win you only need to lead one lap. And you don't need to lead all of it.

On Courtesy

No one reads a letter that begins with, "You dumb Motherfucker..."

On Reality

Sensei: What is the opposite of white?
Student: Black.
Sensei: No. Yolk is the opposite of White.
******
Sensei: What is the opposite of white?
Student (brightly): Yolk.
Sensei: No, the opposite of white is African-American.  The nature of reality is always changing.


Just because you think you understand the question does not mean you know the answer.

A new day

My intention here is to share thoughts, insights, opinions and obsevations accumulated in the last  65 years

Number one;     Never drink beer you can see through.