On Winning

Politics is the only place where finishing second counts as winning.

On Expectations
Worker 1 (worried): The Boss expected this to be done by now.

Me:  By this time in life I had expected to be making love with Stevie Nicks on a daily basis, I've learned to live with the disappointment of unmet expectations so can the Boss.

I don't work there anymore.

On Urgency
It's incredible how fast "Right now." becomes "Back then."

On Prostitution
The old joke is: the bride is smiling as she walks down the aisle because she knows she's given her last blow job.  That is what accounts for the continuing and universal appeal of whores.

On Details

A red Ferrari, a red Porsche and a red Corvette are running down the freeway at 5 miles per hour over the speed limit.  What are the chances the Highway Patrolman will give the ticket to the silver Subaru?

That's OK I didn't notice it either.

On Fidelity
92% of everyone has been unfaithful to at least one spouse.  The rest are either Quasimodo ugly or lying.

On Life after Death
I was dead for 14 billion years before I was born.  I'll be alive for a few minutes.  I'll make an emotional connection with a few people, a couple of dogs and a cat or two.  Then back to where I came from. If that's some dusty beauracratic office awaiting reincarnation or disassociated energy dispursed in a cold universe makes little difference; I won't remember any of this just as I don't remember any thing that came before.